He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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