I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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