guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
