**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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