I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I smell like Dick and happiness
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
