You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
