Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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