evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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