Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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