i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
