I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
