my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
