No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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