I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't deserve a penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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