I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
