and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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