No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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