How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
