areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
