I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We got so high we made milksteak
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
soo... how was my night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
