I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
