My friends, they love my intelligence
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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