Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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