we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
