I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
