just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize