Will you blow on my dice?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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