you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
