I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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