dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
