who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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