He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
