Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
