Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
