i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
