I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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