I could have mohawked her pubes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
