My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
