his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
