I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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