i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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