69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
