stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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