Sponge bath it is.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
