Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
