I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
