you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
