I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
