so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
