My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
