What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
