"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize