I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
