I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
