She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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