Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love you. Go after that dick
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
