you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
