you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
