We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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