your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My first STD was from a foam party
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
