my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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