You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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