New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
