I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
