I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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