She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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